Before I ever coached nonprofit CEOs and executive directors, before I facilitated board retreats and culture conversations, I was a flight attendant for American Airlines in my 20’s.
At the time, I didn’t think of it as leadership training. I thought of it as a job that paid a few bills and paid me to travel the world.
And looking back now, though, after years of coaching nonprofit leaders through funding crises, through team conflict, through burnout, and through high stakes decisions, I can see it clearly.
My flight attendant job actually did train me for leadership in ways that no certification, no conference and no classroom ever could. So one night in particular made that unmistakable.
I was working a short, late night flight from Chicago to Kansas City. It was a commuter flight, about an hour in the air, maybe 9 or 10pm.
It was the kind of flight where everyone expected an easy trip, a quick walk off the plane, and they’d be home by midnight. Nothing dramatic, just routine.
Our flight took off like normal. The wheels were down, as they always are when you’re rolling on the runway, and once you get up into the air around 10,000 feet, the landing gear folds into the plane so the aircraft can climb smoothly to cruising altitude.
Except this night, we had a problem. About five minutes into the flight, the captain called the flight attendants in the back of the plane.
You know when you hear that beep, beep, beep on the plane? That is the phone ringing.
And I remember how calm our pilot’s voice was, no panic or urgency, just clear information. He told us the landing gear was stuck down.
The plane couldn’t climb safely, and we’re going to have to turn around and make an emergency landing back in Chicago.
I remember thinking to myself, this wasn’t about instinct or gut reaction, this was about leaning back into the training that we had been taught what to do very systematically if we needed to do an emergency landing.
And so we opened up our handbooks – worked our way down the checklist. It was nothing fancy. It was just procedure and matter of fact.
Now the next thing that happened is the pilot came up on the intercom and told all the passengers what was happening.
Okay, so this is the moment of truth, when you know if you’re going to be able to handle 100 people hearing this news.
Well, at that moment, 100 pairs of eyes turned where the flight attendants were, not towards the cockpit or the pilot who was really in charge, they looked at us.
What are we going to do?
Calm Is the Job
They saw that we were calm, so they were calm. Calm is the job.
In moments of uncertainty, people don’t listen for reassurance. They watch you for regulation.
They notice your tone, your pace, your posture and your presence. Panic spreads faster than facts and calm can buy you time, trust and cooperation.
Our job wasn’t to pretend nothing was happening. It wasn’t to minimize the situation or make promises we couldn’t keep.
Our job was to model steadiness, to show without saying it, we’ve got this everything depended on how we responded.
So we got to work. We didn’t improvise or try to be heroic.
We pulled out our checklist and began emergency landing preparation. Each of us knew our job and each of us followed our system.
And that brings me to another lesson I learned as a flight attendant that transfers to nonprofit leadership.
Systems Over Heroics
We need systems over heroics. Nobody that night rose to the occasion. We relied on our training.
Our intensive six week flight attendant training existed so that our nervous systems did not have to carry the weight of decision-making under pressure.
And I see the opposite happen all the time with nonprofit leaders: funding drops, board dynamics change, staff stress rises.
And then leaders slip into hero-mode: working longer hours, holding more responsibility and hustling harder than ever. You shouldn’t have to do that.
While heroics burn people out, systems can keep people safe.
That emergency landing worked not because someone was an exceptional hero, but because everyone trusted the process and each other.
Flight Attendants don’t have power over passengers. We can’t force calm or demand cooperation.
And yet, when things feel uncertain, people follow flight attendants. Which brings me to my next lesson that transferred to nonprofit leadership: Authority without power.
Authority Without Power
Leadership isn’t about control. It’s about credibility under pressure.
People follow clarity and consistency and they follow confidence. Authority doesn’t come from titles, it comes from trust.
Let me say that again. Authority doesn’t come from titles, it comes from trust.
Put Your Own Oxygen Mask on First
Now the fourth lesson, and you knew this was coming, let’s talk about that oxygen mask.
Putting your own oxygen mask on first is not a metaphor.
Before we addressed our passengers. We had to be regulated ourselves.
We had to be focused, clear and grounded because a dysregulated flight attendant is a liability, and the same is true for nonprofit leaders.
Putting your own oxygen mask on first isn’t self care, it’s leadership, capacity management.
Burned out leaders don’t make better decisions, and overextended leaders don’t create psychological safety. In fact, they spread anxiety pretty quick.
And in case you’re wondering, we survived, of course.
We landed safely back in Chicago. Fire trucks lined the runway. The scene was surreal and quiet.
And you know this if you’re a parent and you’re in a scuffle with your kids, it’s only when you’re in private afterwards that you breathe a sigh of relief that you actually survived something that could have been bad.
And that’s how it was when all the passengers had deboarded the flight, the crew was left on the plane, and we were like, “oh my gosh, that was a close one,” and it bonded us together, for sure.
Leadership Success Often Looks Quiet
So in the end, that was the success. The leadership worked because calm prevented escalation, and that experience shaped how I coach today.
I don’t coach nonprofit leaders to be louder or hustle harder or work more hours.
I coach through courage, clarity and confidence.
It’s really important that we remember our humanity as we’re leading these organizations.
And so I wanted you to give yourselves a private moment to say, “this is hard work and and you’re doing it.”
So now I’m going to land the plane.
As a recap, 5 things I learned as a flight attendant that translated into my work with nonprofit leaders.
- Calm is the job.
In moments of uncertainty, people don’t need leaders to have all the answers. They need leaders who can regulate themselves and steady the room.
- Systems matter more than heroics.
Strong leadership isn’t about doing more or holding everything together with sheer will. It’s about building clear systems so people can act with confidence, even under pressure.
- Authority doesn’t come from power.
As a flight attendant, I learned how to lead without power by modeling calm in an emergency situation. People trusted me, and that’s exactly how you, nonprofit leaders are leading.
Every day you lead without authority.
Your board, your volunteers, your donors, your community members, none of them are getting a paycheck, and you’re leading them and influencing them to be able to help your cause and your mission.
And this is important work, and you’re doing it. Every day.
- You have to put on your own oxygen mask on first.
I know I’m a broken record, but this is not a wellness slogan. It is a leadership requirement.
Burned out leaders can’t create safety or stability, and most importantly, what we all want is sustainability.
- Leadership success often looks quiet and uneventful.
That emergency landing worked, not because anything dramatic happened, but because calm prevented chaos, and we were prepared. And in nonprofits, the best leadership often feels the same way.
That’s why I coach steadiness before strategy, because when the wheels fall off the wagon, people don’t need an exhausted hero, they need a leader who can help them navigate challenges with courage and grace.
SPARK PLUG SHIFT
So here’s your spark plug shift for the week. Before your next hard meeting, difficult conversation or moment where everyone looks to you for guidance, take a beat.
Pause.
Ask yourself, what would calm leadership look like right now, and how do I model it?
First, slow your pace, ground your body, and center yourself in your own power.
Leadership isn’t about flying higher, it’s about getting yourself and everyone else safely to the ground.
Find the full transcript for this episode at culture cares.com/15.
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Please come find me on LinkedIn and say hello, and until next time, take care of yourself, protect your energy and keep sparking the kind of leadership that makes sustainable impact possible.
Thanks for listening to today’s episode of nonprofit CEO spark.
If you’re ready to turn burnout into boundaries and build a healthy, happy culture where everyone, including you, can thrive, visit culturecares.com to learn how I support nonprofit organizations like yours.
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Until next time, keep leading with courage and confidence.