If you’re a nonprofit CEO or Executive Director, you already know there are a million things you can’t control…
The economy.
Funder priorities.
Donor preferences.
That one staff member who thinks “fashionably late” is a personality trait.
But there is one thing you can control, and it changes everything else.
Back when I was an Executive Director, I tried to control it all…I even lost sleep over details no one else cared about.
I thought if I worked harder and slept less, I could force everything into place.
Spoiler: it didn’t work.
Instead, I was constantly frustrated—maybe you’ve been there too.
A funder pulls their support—instant panic.
A volunteer drops the ball—simmering irritation.
A “remote” staffer caught skiing instead of working—okay, that one’s very Denver.
Today, I’m reminding you of the one thing you can truly control that will help you lead with more ease, acceptance, and peace.
Why can’t people just act the way we want them to?
Here’s the mindset shift that could have saved me years of stress.
We cannot control other people. We can only control ourselves.
That’s it. Game-changer.
We all know this, but if you’re like me, you need a friendly reminder once in a while.
I recently heard this shift put into words by Mel Robbins, self-help guru, in her book called “The Let Them Theory”. The premise is simple:
- The volunteer doesn’t show up. Let them.
- Your adult kids don’t act how you want them to? Let them.
- Your team member has a habit that drives you nuts? Let them.
“Let them” doesn’t mean ignoring bad behavior. It means you stop wasting energy trying to micromanage what’s out of your control and you enforce clear boundaries for what is in your control.
Influence vs. Control
Let me tell you about a staff issue I ran into as an ED a few years back, I had a team member who… let’s just say… got creative with our “remote Friday” policy.
For most people, remote Friday means working from home. But for him? It meant carving fresh powder at Copper Mountain, the ski slopes just outside of Denver.
And here’s the kicker, we didn’t just suspect it. We had proof. He posted a photo on social media.
Now, in that moment, we had two choices:
- Try to lecture him into better behavior.
- Or respond like a leader who knows that culture is shaped by what you tolerate.
We chose option two.
He came to work on Monday morning to a fresh Performance Improvement Plan on his desk, crystal-clear expectations, and a little extra “remote monitoring” going forward.
Then, I let go of the reins, because whether he met those expectations or not was his decision.
And that’s the thing about leadership: you can’t control every move your team makes. But you can control the standards you enforce.
You get the culture you tolerate.
Most of our daily frustration comes down to other people, how they act (or don’t), react (or don’t), what they think of us, how they judge us.
Trying to control attitudes or behaviors of others is a losing game.
But the moment I stopped trying to make people change and focused instead on:
- My attitude and mindset
- My boundaries and expectations
- My leadership presence
…everything got lighter. I stopped carrying so much stress and emotional weight, and ironically, people became more responsive.
So, what happened to our ski-loving staff member? Well, you’ll be happy to know that he chose paychecks over powder days and stopped taking our perks for a downhill ride.
One SPARK plug shift you can make this week
Put a sticky note on your computer that says: “I can only control myself.”
In nonprofit leadership, fires pop up daily…an upset donor email, a last-minute funder request, or a staff conflict that hits your inbox at 4:59 p.m.
Here’s your permission slip: Let them.
Before you jump into “fix it” mode, take a deliberate pause. That moment of breathing space keeps you out of knee-jerk reaction mode and helps you respond with clarity, not just urgency.
It’s the difference between making a thoughtful decision that serves your mission… and sending a rushed reply you’ll spend the next week cleaning up.
Back to Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” theory, your job is to draw a clear line in the sand about what you will and won’t tolerate. Then, let people reveal who they are.
When you do this, you will feel more ease, acceptance, and peace.
Always remember you are meant for great things, and you don’t have to burn out to prove it.
Talk to you next week.